⸺⁠See if he is not cutting it into slips, and giving them about him to light their pipes!⁠⸺’Tis abominable, answered Didius; it should not go unnoticed, said doctor Kysarcius⁠⸻☞ he was of the Kysarcii of the Low Countries.

Methinks, said Didius, half rising from his chair, in order to remove a bottle and a tall decanter, which stood in a direct line betwixt him and Yorick⁠⸺⁠you might have spared this sarcastic stroke, and have hit upon a more proper place, Mr. Yorick⁠—or at least upon a more proper occasion to have shown your contempt of what we have been about: If the sermon is of no better worth than to light pipes with⁠⸺’twas certainly, Sir, not good enough to be preached before so learned a body; and if ’twas good enough to be preached before so learned a body⁠⸺’twas certainly, Sir, too good to light their pipes with afterwards.

⸺⁠I have got him fast hung up, quoth Didius to himself, upon one of the two horns of my dilemma⁠⸺⁠let him get off as he can.

I have undergone such unspeakable torments, in bringing forth this sermon, quoth Yorick, upon this occasion⁠⸻that I declare, Didius, I would suffer martyrdom⁠—and if it was possible my horse with me, a thousand times over, before I would sit down and make such another: I was delivered of it at the wrong end of me⁠⸺⁠it came from my head instead of my heart⁠⸻and it is for the pain it gave me, both in the writing and preaching of it, that I revenge myself of it, in this manner⁠—To preach, to show the extent of our reading, or the subtleties of our wit⁠—to parade in the eyes of the vulgar with the beggarly accounts of a little learning, tinsel’d over with a few words which glitter, but convey little light and less warmth⁠⸺⁠is a dishonest use of the poor single half hour in a week which is put into our hands⁠—’Tis not preaching the gospel⁠—but ourselves⁠⸺⁠For my own part, continued Yorick, I had rather direct five words point-blank to the heart.⁠—

As Yorick pronounced the word point-blank, my uncle Toby rose up to say something upon projectiles⁠⸺⁠when a single word and no more uttered from the opposite side of the table drew everyone’s ears towards it⁠—a word of all others in the dictionary the last in that place to be expected⁠—a word I am ashamed to write⁠—yet must be written⁠⸺⁠must be read⁠—illegal⁠—uncanonical⁠—guess ten thousand guesses, multiplied into themselves⁠—rack⁠—torture your invention forever, you’re where you was⁠⸺⸺⁠In short, I’ll tell it in the next chapter.